Pikey's Progress - I now have a mobile Phone !
Posted 5th September 2025
“You didn’t put my report in the football newsletter”, proclaimed an irate 5th Xl player.
“Did you send it to my email address?” I responded
“I put it on Facebook,” he retorted
“Try putting it on the top of Everest next time; I’ve got a better chance of finding it there.”
My lack of knowledge about modern forms of communication is well known to Old Wilsonians, as is my refusal to have a mobile ‘phone but, to mark a big birthday, my family kindly bought me one thanks, in no small part, to the help of Bill, who went to Colfes, but is none the worse for that, and his grand-daughter, Aimee, who is the manager of a mobile ‘phone shop in Lewisham.
The first record I bought was “Don’t laugh at me, ‘cause I’m as fool” – how apposite – and on the other side of this shellac 78 rpm disc, Norman Wisdom sang ‘Once in love with Amy’ – apologies for the miss-spelling of your name, Aimee.
Having left the shop, Bill and I’s next stop was at O2 where we sorted out the necessary agreement that I needed for my new toy.
Bill eventually left me to my own devises and I tried to send Doug Forbes a WhatsApp message – don’t think he ever received it – and a couple of days later Bill returned to give me my next tutorial.
“I’ve worked out how to charge the battery,” I said proudly, and pointed to the plug in the wall.
“It does help if you turn the plug on”, replied Bill in exasperation and restrained himself from exclaiming ‘Stupid Boy Pike’ and added that I was not receiving a good signal, which was later confirmed by neighbour Karen, who has the same problem and put me on the road’s WhatsApp group
“It’s not that exciting,” she admitted. “Sometimes Jane asks if anyone has any room left in their dustbin as hers is full”, implying that that was likely to be the highlight of any week.
Gwen calls me on my landline and then brother John calls my mobile, thus illustrating perfectly the problem of having to cope with two phones at the same time, but I persevere, continue to experiment and manage to take a photo of my carpet!
Brother John asks me how I am getting on and if I take my ‘phone with me when I go out, and I confess that I do not always do so.
“But that’s the whole point of having it,” he says; angrily.
Previous readers of this column may have read my tribute to Bob Moy, a former head boy of the school, a former 1st Xl cricket scorer and the man who taught me this art – so you can blame him – who died last year.
His eldest daughter, Moya, and I organised his funeral and are now dealing with the sale of his house and I agreed to meet her in Whitstable one Monday – Moya travelled on the Saturday but……….”I suppose you will be cricket scoring; CCF and all that, ” she might have said.
Whitstable is easy to get to; about an hour’s journey from Bromley South station, and the train I catch will get me there at about 11-00 p.m.
We reach Rochester without incident after which there is a delay, which does not concern me too much but, after about ten minutes, the driver explains there are signalling problems ahead; oh dear.
I do have my mobile ‘phone with me - see, John, I do take notice, so decide to call Moya to explain what is happening, which I do successfully.
Another 15 minutes elapse and we are informed that the train has now been cancelled, and a station announcer scolds everyone as he insists:
“Stop looking at your mobile ‘phones and get the train from platform 1 to Gillingham where there is a possibility of a rail replacement bus service - there certainly will not be one from Rochester.” so I update Moya and some time later she sends me a text which, amazingly I a) manage to open and b) reply to, although there is no punctuation.
“Text messages don’t have punctuation” she later explains.
There is, indeed, a bus service from Gillingham, which stops at Rainham, Sittingbourne and Faversham where we will be able to get a train, we are told, which will go to Ramsgate, calling at Whitstable.
We used to play cricket at Rainham and then I see signposts to Upchurch and Bapchild, two other opponents of the past, and the bus passes Bapchild’s ground.
At Sittingbourne I look out for Len Bateman, home of one of the members of the school’s legendary ‘Class of ‘56”, but he must have heard that I was in the vicinity and is keeping a low profile.
We get to Faversham at about 1-30, and there is a train at 1-50, which is about ten minutes from Whitstable, so I update Moya.
“I’ve got to make a work ‘phone call at that time but will make it short”, she imparts, so a journey that should have taken an hour took four and, but for my mobile ‘phone, I would not have been able to let Moya know what was going on.
(Well, that’s not strictly true as I would have tried to find someone with a ‘phone who would lend me theirs to make the calls, but as this article is designed to stress the importance of having one of your own, I will not mention that!)
We do some work at Bob’s house, and I make a couple of calls, on my mobile, to local record shops to see if they would be interested in his collection – he also has about 50,000 books, which is the biggest problem, so please let me know if you want any of them.
Around 6 o’clock I start thinking about getting home.
“You cannot get a train to Bromley South from Whitstable, but you can get one to Faversham at 6-30 and then one from there to St Pancras International” Moya informs via an App on her ‘phone, thereby giving another example of how invaluable they are.
On arrival at Faversham it transpires there is a 45 minute wait for the Londo train “But we are not sure that there will be a crew” informs a member of staff, so I decide to get the replacement bus service to Gillingham where “You probably will be able to get to Bromley South”, although I could have done without the word ‘probably.’
The staff at Faversham are very helpful and I go to the relevant platform to await the arrival of the 19-15 to Victoria – it is now almost an hour later.
As well as concerned passengers the platform is also awash with train crews – it’s like an RMT or ASLEF meeting – and we are informed that the Victoria train will arrive but they have no idea when, bur it does and I get home at about 9-30 having spent less than five hours in Whitstable and almost eight hours travelling, but at least the experience had taught me the value of owning a mobile ‘phone.
So will I now walk down the street, ‘phone in hand, not looking where I am going and with no respect for other pedestrians?
Will I speak loudly on public transport, showing no concern for other passengers?
Will I continually play with my phone in restaurants and at meetings?
The answer to all of those questions is ‘NO’, as I intend to be a considerate user, but it does mean that I can no longer have:
“He never had a mobile phone” on my gravestone; not that it matters as I am not going to have a gravestone!
PS For those of you who are interested my number is 07845276897 (I think!) but you can still use my landline, 0208 659 6443 – and I look forward to hearing from you.
PPS: Have just tried to make a call – on my mobile – but a message comes up:
“Turn off Flight mood to make this call” - how on earth do I do that?
